Tuesday, November 6, 2012

You Know You're Old When...

I'm old now. I know this definitively because...

1. The cashiers at the local stores have started to call me "dearie".

2. I went to a neighbourhood drugstore on seniors' day. Music from the 50's and 60's was playing throughout the store. I mentioned the "old people" music to the cashier telling her I prefer the newer stuff. She responded, "You're just like my grandma. She likes modern music too."

3. We went to church in a seniors' residence and people asked me if I live there.

4. I got dressed in my bedroom, went outside into the daylight and realized my carefully selected co-ordinated outfit and jewellery were different colours and didn't match one bit.

5. I brought home some nice juicy grapes, washed them carefully and picked off a stem. I removed a few grapes from the stem, tossed them out and put the stem in my mouth.

6. I came home from the gym and realized I'd left my shoes there. I called and the lovely owner said she didn't see them. I described them exactly.... gray New Balance...two air freshening lambs one stuck inside each shoe...elasticized laces, right lace broken and tied in a knot. There was no sound on the other end of the telephone although I'm fairly convinced I heard a muffled laugh. I was reassured that should these shoes actually exist, they weren't there. I then went out to the car, picked up the shoes off the back seat where I'd actually left them, and brought them into the house.

7. I have started looking for things that are right under my nose. Example, I couldn't find the dog. I asked hubby, "Where's the dog?" The two of us panicked as we searched the house, the garage and outside. The dog was sleeping quietly under the dining table. In fairness, the chairs were pushed in and she was camouflaged on the rug.

8. I am no longer the desired demographic for most things. There was a time when I was the target of every sales person, consumer survey and product placement offer. I'd have to pretend I didn't see those people with the clipboards in the malls and rush past as if I had a purpose. Now, I can stare them down and they won't stop me. In fact, the telemarketers and the time share people are even rejecting me now.

9. My hairdresser regularly asks whether I would like some colour coverage for my "mature" hair.

10. I talk to myself in public.

11. I say what I think.

12. I no longer care what people think of me.

Oh...let me add this. Today, I crumpled up some garbage and threw it in the laundry hamper. Does inability to focus count?

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