I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm headachy and I'm dysfunctional. I feel very, very old. It takes me two to three times as long to do anything than in the past. I cannot distinguish some colours. I wear my clothes inside out because I can't tell the difference.My closet is a black hole. Although I still try not to stink, I don't care if my hair is combed or if I have makeup on. I can't see it anyhow. The computer screen is too bright for me to look at most of the time. I have to write with one eye shut during those moments when I can actually see the contrast. When they're standing near a window, peoples' faces are silhouettes, like negatives from the old style of camera film. This morning, I was wrapping Christmas presents because I don't know if I'll be able to perform this task at a later date. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. On the other hand, I've developed even more empathy and much admiration for anyone with any sort of handicap.
I have to wonder, because nobody's ever told me details, whether everyone gets this bad prior to cataract surgery. I get annoyed when I think about my cancelled appointment back in September. Perhaps it would have gotten me in for surgery sooner. Right now, it can't come quickly enough. My desperation is superceding my fear.
A huge part of my problem is that I've always been a visual kinesthetic type of person. Seeing and doing are my strengths. When I can't see, it's hard to do. I am currently unable to multitask. If someone tells me something while I'm performing another chore I don't hear it. If the radio or tv is on and someone speaks to me, I don't hear it. Thankfully, there's nothing wrong with my hearing. It's just never been a strength for me to listen and comprehend everything. My concentration level on singular tasks has escalated beyond the norm. The headaches and fatigue are caused by eye strain. I'd just as soon close them than try to use them.
I don't proofread my blogs so they are what they are. It's just too challenging.
That's my current situation. I have just called the eye doctor's office because I have not yet been given a surgery date. It was promised for January.
What comes to mind frequently these days is a Confucius saying which is a favourite of educators.
I hear. I forget. I see. I remember. I do. I understand.
I'll be overjoyed when I can see and remember, do and understand once again.