At 5:55 this morning, I got out of bed and sat at the computer. Today was my deadline. I actually felt as though I had an additional week this month since the first was on a Wednesday, nonetheless, I procrastinated. Today is the first Monday of the month and my monthly column is due. I had been puttering around and puttering around, adjusting and re-adjusting sentences, reworking phrases and more. I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted my submission to reach the newspaper office before they opened their doors. I wanted it to write something mild and uncontroversial enough that no mean people would write letters to the editor in response. After all, I'm sensitive.
You'd think that when a person has a whole month to complete such a minor task, that it would be easy. Not only have I been struggling with the column, but I've avoided completing a lot of blogs. I used to enjoy writing blogs. When I wrote blogs, I just wrote. Often my blogs became nothing more than a stream of consciousness and that was fine. I didn't care.
I guess I'm not good with deadlines or time constraints. I don't like them especially now that I'm retired. I'm not using retirement as an excuse. I suppose I've always been that way. Give me a deadline and I'll wait until the pressure is so great, that I'll get whatever it is done....the last minute. It's not that I don't start early enough. It's not that I don't know what I'm going to do, say or write. It's just that if I have the time, I'll use it....all of it.
In high school and university, all nighters became the norm. Studying and assignments were often left until the last minute because of the sheer enormity of the workload. Besides that, I soon came to realize that I was somewhat of a perfectionist. Nothing was ever up to my own stringent standards.
As a working adult, when report card season rolled around, my house was immaculate. After I cleaned every inch, I always had additional things to do which were urgent and essential at that moment...scrubbing window tracks with a toothbrush, refilling salt and pepper containers, ironing doilies, using Q-tips to clean dust from corners and the like. Eventually, what I was avoiding could be avoided no longer. Four times a year, I struggled through the agony that was report cards. They were the biggest sources of stress throughout my career.
So now, here I sit. I haven't submitted my column. I've finished it. It's edited. It's not submitted. I suppose I could leave it until the end of the day, but it won't make a difference. I am going walking. I'm going to the gym. I'm going to work at my volunteer job today. It's not as though I'll have more time to improve on it later.
All I can say to myself at this point is, "Hiss boo. Stop procrastinating and send it already." By the way, my May column will be all about the frequent and annoying need for people to "boo". Perhaps there are justifiable reasons to "boo" someone. Hmmm...should I click "publish" on this blog? Maybe I should reread it a few times. There are probably errors. I can probably improve on it...later.