Saturday, April 21, 2012

Gross Man Noises

I have noted that some men have 'unusual' if not disturbing habits. I was so disgusted yesterday morning that I felt the need to share my experience.

It was the last day of my annual two week job near the airport. I had packed up, checked out of the hotel and had a lot of extra time. It was a good day to take advantage of the breakfast buffet in the  dining room. The waiter seated me at a lovely small table. I was impressed with the white linen table cloth, fresh freesia in a vase and soothing background music. It seemed to be a spot that would afford me some privacy and peace. What a great way to start my last day of work.

First, I lingered over my tea. Then, I went to the buffet and carefully selected delicious roasted mushrooms, ***porridge, raisin muesli toast, milk ...well, no need to reiterate all my menu choices.

When I got back to my table, I noted that there was a fairly well dressed 'gentleman' (the last time I will use that word) seated two tables away to the right of me. As I began enjoying my porridge, I heard it!

I heard the sound of snorting! Snorting, as in loudly sucking up snot and down your throat type of snorting. I looked up. I looked over. It was him. It happened once. It happened twice. I thought that it would eventually end. It didn't. I assumed that he would pull out a tissue or request some extra napkins to blow his nose and solve the problem. He didn't. Did he not notice?  Did he think he was in the privacy of his own home? Didn't he realize he was in a public dining establishment? Was this a habit so ingrained that he was unaware he was doing it?

The snorting went on throughout my entire breakfast until it got to the point where the sound overwhelmed everything. The background music, which was supposed to create an atmosphere of dining tranquility, was drowned out by the sound of snort, snort, snort. My head became a loudspeaker for this man's bodily noises.

It's interesting how something like that can escalate, become the centre of your focus and no matter how much you try, you can't distract your attention from it. It consumes you. An airplane flying overhead could have come through the room and I wouldn't have heard the engine sound at that point...only the snort.

I considered abandoning my meal, but wasn't completely done. I returned to the buffet for some grapefruit. As I headed back to finish my breakfast, I couldn't believe my eyes, or for that matter, my ears. Another man had arrived and was seated at a table to my left. Not only that, there was now a duet...not one man snorting, but two, one on either side of me. Stereo snorting!

I thought about blowing bubbles in my milk or slurping my grapefruit pieces. Would that even be some kind of revenge or hint? Not likely. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of anything I could do that would be equally offensive. I was now almost completely nauseous and decided to make my way to the exit.

On my way out, I spotted and immediately entered an empty computer room. With no sounds other than the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard, I created the rough draft of this blog.

*** See blog "I Say Porridge....April 1, 2012.

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