Sunday, January 3, 2010

In the beginning...

Disclaimer: Any similarity to "characters" real or imaginary is purely coincidental. No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Once upon a time, a child was born to a young couple. They named her Hildegard. It was a fairly common name in the land of bratwurst and beer. Many people chose to call their children (mostly the daughters) Hildegard after a well known nun. Life was good.

One day, the mom visited a mystic of another sort and was told that their small family would be going on a long long journey.

"Nein", said the mom.

"Nein", said the dad.

"Ja, ja" said the opa and oma enthusiastically, since the couple was living with them at the time.

So they said auf wiedersehen to their family, friends and homeland in search of a better life. With only a homemade strudel, $5 and a wooden trunk holding all their worldly possessions, off they ventured. Their long journey took them to a country known to them as Kanada. Here, the family moved onto an island in a small lake. They were very happy to own not one, but two small houses, one of which was their very own outhouse. Life was good.

After her 5th birthday, little Hildegard was able to begin her formal education. Her parents told her to walk to school using a shortcut across the lake. Sometimes, the lake was even frozen. As the mom was coming home from the supermarket one day, she encountered a bear. The bear was angry. The mom ran. Later that night, she went to use their other little house and discovered that it had been overturned by a group of hooligans, or perhaps another bear. It was time to move to the big city.

"Nein" said Hildegard.

"Meow" said the cat.

"Ja, ja" said mom and dad.

So they said auf wiedersehen to their friends, shot the dog, waved goodbye at the cat and left the island in search of a better life. With only some homemade sauerkraut, fifty dollars (which they got for selling the remaining house) and a 1950 something green chevrolet wagon holding all their wordly possessions, off they ventured. The long drive took them to a city known as Toronto. The family saw a sign "Flat for rent". It had a room, a kitchen and one "indoor" bathroom which they were very fortunate to be allowed to share with the other two families in the house. Life was good.

Despite being mocked for her odd name, her large brown lace up shoes and her lack of "show and tell" skills, Hildegard was developing into a well adjusted 3rd grader. She would do her homework dilligently, attend bible studies and get her own lunches (if eating cherry pie at the local diner counts). One day, in 4th grade, she decided to roller skate all afternoon instead of attending school. Then, in 5th grade, she knocked the neighbour's annoying 12 year old son off his tricycle. In sixth grade, she put gum on the teacher's chair. In 7th, she cut off her hair, wore tight sweaters and started complaining about boys. It was time to move to the 'burbs away from the evil big city influences.

"Noooooooo" said the landlord.

"Noooooooo" said Hildegard.

"Yes, yes" said mom and dad.

So they said goodbye to their friends, their neighbourhood and their city life. With only a homemade bundt cake, a $500 down payment, a 1960 something silver corvair and u-haul truck to carry all their worldly possessions they headed for suburbia in search of a better life. Their long journey took them to a place called Bay Ridges. Here, they purchased a brick bungalow with their own private bathroom, three bedrooms, living and dining room and a kitchen! Life was good. be continued


  1. This is really entertaining, though I'm wondering how many editorial liberties you're taking seperating fact and fiction. :)

  2. I am never speechless. It's all fact. As I wrote each little bit, I was thinking of how much I could elaborate on so many of those events. It turned out a bit differently than I expected. I'm thinking that with some censoring and editing it could be a kids' story.