Family Dining or Customer Consternation?

Someone was giving a radio report suggesting that there should be child free restaurants. They spoke about whether it's a good idea. Imagine, in this age of inclusion, even suggesting such a thing. I must admit, that there might have been a time when I would have advocated for this. Nowadays, I have come to realize that the idea is not feasible, just, or necessary.

Several things come into play here.  Shouldn't parents have enough common sense to consider these questions? What type of restaurant is best suited to my child, his age and his developmental level? What is the attention span of my child? Have I properly prepared him for this type of setting? Of course, it's always best to begin teaching children at home and then start with a fast food, then family restaurant before attempting a fine dining establishment. Too many people just take their children to restaurants without prior preparation or planning.

Parents ought to be teaching children table manners early on and by early on, I mean as soon as they are near a table in any type of seating. Of course, there's no need to expose a one year old to the fine art of using a knife and fork. At first, they might simply be expected to aim for their mouth and sit for short times without fussing and needing constant attention while their parents are eating.

Part of the problem in some homes is that there's no longer a designated, sit down family eating time. Often children load up their plates and wander off in front of a tv or electronic device, while nibbling. Some are even allowed to go to the hub of all entertainment, their rooms They graze over the offering for the next few hours while their meal becomes cold, curdled and crusty. Parents make excuses and come up with reasons why this is allowed. The children never interact with the family and they can develop habits which are unacceptable in public.

I have sometimes wondered whether there should be limits to behaviour that is tolerated at restaurants. Should management be able to ask unruly families to leave the premises? Where would they draw the line? How about three ear piercing shrieks, one episode of food flinging, one jog around the perimeter of the restaurant and you're out? Should there be a special cash deposit for people with children? After all, why should patrons who want a peaceful evening dining experience be exposed to the lack of parenting skills which cause them anguish and indigestion?

I was at a quiet, dimly lit sushi restaurant with family members a few evenings ago. We had just begun our meal when a couple with two smallish children arrived at the table across the aisle. The first things that were pulled out were the electronic devices. Dad spoke on the phone paying no attention to the children. Mom was playing some sort of game on her device. The older child was punching buttons on the restaurant ipad while yelling out various foods. The younger had his own gaming device which held his interest for about five minutes before the screaming, crawling and yelling began. Dad kept talking on the phone. Mom checked the restaurant ipad food order. The other child started to outshout the younger. It was chaos and made me wonder whether the same sort of activities existed when they were eating at home.

My daughter suggested that the problem was not the electronics, but rather the lack of previously taught social skills. I agreed but only in part. I think it's a combination of the two. I reminded her that she was removed from restaurants for misbehaving a few times.  One parent always made the five minute sacrifice to take her to the car, have a timeout and a chat.  Also, no matter how busy we were as a family we were certain to sit together most dinner times. That's not to say we were perfect, but at least we made the effort.

So there's my opinion. Teach children dining behaviour at home so that the skills translate to restaurants. Talk to them about expectations prior to going out. It will save a lot of annoyance and will prevent ridiculous suggestions like child free restaurants. On the other hand, perhaps we first need to educate some adults about how to behave in a restaurant.

When You Think You've Seen It All...A Retired Teacher's Rant

This morning there was a piece on the radio about a mother who wants four oak trees chopped down near a school yard because her children are allergic to nuts. Hubby said, "Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous?" He has no idea!

In my career, every time I thought I had seen it all, heard it all, or experienced it all, I'd encounter another jaw dropping moment. I believe I have experienced things beyond a mere mortal's comprehension. OK, ok...so I exaggerate slightly for effect.

One incident that comes to mind occurred during my retirement year. About a half a dozen parents were very late picking up their kindergarten aged children. By very late, I'm not just talking about a few minutes. As everyone knows, teachers don't ever have to pee, so it was no problem standing there, waiting with the bundled up crew. I was glad I had worn a track suit and old shoes on that day....no, not for the aforementioned reason, but because one of my youngsters had decided to pick that moment to vomit. Her clothing, although not completely spared, was relatively unscathed. Unfortunately, mine was not. Most distressing was the fact that this was an activity which clearly should have been saved for home, but alas, she wasn't picked up on time....

A couple of adults appeared and tried to help me mop up to the chants of "Ewwwwwwwwwww" by the other remaining, some gagging youngsters.  I headed for the intercom where the most treasured of school commodities, the secretary, responded sympathetically. She tried to locate a custodian and attempted to call the child's parents. There was no response from home.

I felt sorry for the little girl as the other children were gradually picked up by apologetic parents and sitters. She was still sitting, waiting, and now, sick.

At this point, the four year old child's backpack began ringing. "What is that?" I asked.

"My phone", she responded through her sobs.

"A real one?" I asked in disbelief, imagining some kind of Fisher-Price toy.

"Yes", she responded.

"Do you have your mom's phone number on there?" I asked.

"Yes," she said and pushed the appropriate keys.

She gave me the phone and someone picked up at the other end with these words. "What do you want now?" Startled,  I explained who I was and why I had called on the child's phone.

How ridiculous was this? It was right up there with the fake nails and the hair extensions donned by some of the kindergarten aged youngsters. Have education, commitment, promptness, courtesy, common sense, integrity and honesty have lost their importance only to be replaced by technology, looks and "toys"?

Do people think they're being good parents by giving children ridiculous "stuff"? Good parents spend time, real time. They listen, they talk, they encourage, they help, they co-operate, they set disciplinary boundaries and they love. Good parents don't need money or use bribes.

Good parents, parent.